This is apparently Queer…

There is this stereotype about queer or lesbian or whatever the hell you are women that applies to food… they are all vegans or vegetarians.  No, I’m not a vegetarian… I LOVE VENISON, BACON, ORGANIC GRASS FED BEEF, and the processed meat stuff with dye in it that is really cheap at the grocery store.

So this stereotype… ummm well… I try my best to provide an array of cooking material for everyone to enjoy but some people (My Drunk Kitchen) cannot actually cook.  I don’t understand how people cannot cook but if you only drink instead of cooking, then not being able to cook might be understandable (My Drunk Kitchen).

Now that I rambled for a while I must explain My Drunk Kitchen.  This sassy, fabulous, and, I think, gay woman, films herself trying to cook while drinking a lot and she usually fails at all the recipes she tries to cook.

In case My Drunk Kitchen reads this (Yes, My Drunk Kitchen is now your name on my blog because I want people to watch your awesome videos) I want her to know that there is hope for her kind and it is not found in apple pie.  The only person I know that can make a pie crust is my Grandmother but she keeps her secrets secret.

For all you vegans and gays and vegan gays I want you to know that I will always keep you and your bellies in mind.  And if you cannot cook, try harder or drink more.  Either way you win!

READ http://theveganstoner.com/            http://www.autostraddle.com/           http://hartoandco.com/my-drunk-kitchen/                If you want to get fancy…   http://www.theppk.com/

Now I’m going to not cook while drinking delicious wine and watch sappy teenage television shows that kill off all the pretty characters (O.C.).

 

Drinks to go with Dinner… WHAT?

I realize that whenever I cook I usually have a drink to pair with whatever it is that I cook.

Shrimp, chicken, and pasta with alfredo sauce usually is lighter and whiter than other things I eat.  With light and white I usually drink delicious white wines.

Dark like tomato sauce, beef, or STEAK… I usually drink a nice red wine.

Next time when I make a silly salad or a silly meal I promise I will post the recipe with whatever it is I choose is a good thing to drink with the meal.  If I always have a fancy drink with my fancy meal, then I should at least inform my readers about what it is that I drink with the recipes I post.

And I also need pictures of the foods I create.  Sorry.

 

Italian Seasoning

Put it on your eggs, pasta, garlic bread, lasagna, tomato sauce, chicken, and put it in any marinade for some Italian flare.  Fabulous.  BUY YOUR SPICES FROM A STORE THAT SELLS BULK SPICES.  IT IS CHEAP AND YOU DON’T HAVE A BUNCH OF SILLY PLASTIC CONTAINERS.

1 Tbsp. Red Pepper Flakes

1 Tbsp. Savory (Bohnenkraut) http://balcony-garden.blogspot.com/2009/02/only-herb-youll-ever-need.html

1 Tbsp. Marjoram

1 Tbsp. Rosemary

1 Tbsp. Basil

1 Tbsp. Oregano

1 Tbsp. Thyme

1 Tbsp. Cilantro

2 tsp. Onion Powder

2 tsp. Garlic Powder

A dash or two of Celery Salt

Combine all dried herbs in a grinder like a coffee grinder (if you grind your coffee in your coffee grinder get a different grinder for only herbs… no one likes herb tasting coffee).

Store finely ground mixture in a spice jar or any glass jar with a good seal.

Use within a month or two preferably.  It won’t spoil for a long long time but the herbs will lose their potency and after a really long time, about 1 year, the herbs will become stale.

 

Favorite?

Vegetable, fruit, dessert, main course, meat, sweater?  YES!

All, any, many, and more, we all have favorite stuff that we eat.  Maybe you really like cold green beans from a can or butter cream frosting.  Whatever it is it is probably delicious and potentially queer like your mother’s favorite delicious treat.

I really like strawberries but I ate many of them and now I have moved on to tacos.  I will always love Lebanese food and Krakowska (Google it).  Hmmm… salt and vinegar chips?  Taco chips and salsa.  Amazing baby back ribs.  CRANZLASTIK.

       

What is your favorite food?  Toast and jam with runny eggs or just the egg?

 

Zesty Tuna Noodle Salad

This recipe is massive.  I usually feed myself and others on the quantity of this recipe for at least four days.

This recipe can always be halved or quartered.

1 Box of Elbow Macaroni, or Rotini, Penne, whatever.  I find elbow macaroni holds it’s own in this salad well without falling apart.

1 green pepper Chopped to desired size

2 cans tuna

1/4 cup Mayo

MIX MAYO and TUNA TOGETHER IN BOWL THEN ADD IT TO THE MIXTURE BOWL WITH ALL OTHER INGREDIENTS.

1 bottle Zesty Italian Dressing (It is not necessary to use this much Italian Dressing but I really like Italian Dressing in this recipe).

1 tomato Chopped to desired size

1 bundle Green Onions chopped

1/2-3/4 of an onion, yellow is mellow and white burns like sunlight; purple is colorful and small onions are for babies.  Chopped to desired size.

1 Cucumber seeded, I have started eating a lot of mini cucumbers.  If mini cucumbers are desired, then they do not have to be seeded and I would use at least two if not three mini cucumbers.

4-6 Stalks Celery Chopped to desired size

I’m trying to think of other vegetables I put in this but I cannot remember.  If you think of something that tastes good, then chop it up and put it in the salad.

1 tsp. Celery Salt

A few grinds of Sea Salt

2-3 tsp. Black Pepper

2 tsp. Garlic Powder

2 tsp. Onion Powder

If you want to try more spices, GO FOR IT!

Mix all these ingredients together in a massive bowl, bigger than the biggest bowl in your kitchen.  Don’t forget to cover your delicious mixture with Saran Wrap.  That stuff, right there.

 

Hash

No, this is not the nasty hash stuff from a can… this is my hash creation only there is no exact recipe.

1 lb. Roasted Red Russets (See my recipe)

1 lb. Ground Beef, Venison, or No Meat

3 Cloves Garlic (I use 5 or more but I’m a garlic addict!)

1 Green Pepper (Any color pepper works)

1 Can Corn

1 Large Onion

Mushrooms… as many as you desire; maybe from the can or maybe fresh and sliced.

CHEESE, a lot of cheese grated

Any and all spices in your cupboard

5 Stalks of Celerey

Any other vegetables floating around in your refrigerator or cupboard will also work well.  If you use a tomato or green onions I advise only adding these at the very end of the cooking process so they do not get mushy.

Chop all the vegetables that need chopping any way you want to chop them: large chunks, small chunks (diced), long and skinny, or roughly chopped.  I think it is best to finely mince the garlic because most people do not like large chunks of garlic in their meals.

Heat a large saute pan to low and add olive oil, any kind of oil works but I prefer olive oil. Heat the oil but do not burn it.  Usually takes about 20 seconds.  Add finely minced garlic and swirl it around in the pan until the flavor is released.  DO NOT BURN YOUR GARLIC!  KEEP THE HEAT LOW!  Then add the vegetables that take longest to cook first to the pan: Celery, onion, green pepper.  Saute them on medium heat and constantly stir them.

In another large Saute pan… no, larger than the one in your hand, cook ground beef or venison.  Add more garlic and any other spices you want.  I like adding chili powder, cayenne, garlic powder, onion powder, savory, black pepper, salt, and my Italian Seasoning (see my recipe for this seasoning).

After vegetables in pan have softened add the remaining vegetables and cook until they are hot.  DO NOT ADD THE ROASTED POTATOES YET IF YOU DECIDE TO USE THEM!  Once the beef or venison is cooked add all the vegetables to the meat and stir well.  Once the vegetables have been added to the meat add the roasted potatoes and stir very well.  Add the cheese and cover your pan so the cheese can melt.  Once the cheese is melted add tomatoes or green onions if desired.  Sometimes I add salsa or taco sauce but this is not necessary.

If you use tomatoes from the can add them to the vegetable mixture because they are supposed to be mushy.

EAT!

 

GOD

My friend Alissa told me one day while eating one of my BLT’s that she thought the mayo I made for my BLT’s is like God.  Then we both realized that the mayo on my BLT’s is GOD, not the God Christians believe in, but my own special sort of GOD.

GOD (Curry Mayo) – Works well on a BLT

1/2 C. Mayonaise

1 and 1/2 T. Curry Powder (See my Curry Powder recipe)

1 tsp. Red Chili Flakes

1/2 tsp. Black Pepper

1 Clove Garlic (Finely minced) or 2 tsp. garlic powder if you do not have fresh garlic

1 tsp. Onion Powder

1/2 tsp. Salt or Celery Salt

1/2 tsp. Cayenne

Mix very well and spread on any favorite sandwich creation.

 

Nicole’s Pancakes and Waffles

Nicole is a wonderful woman that knows how to cook some delicious waffles and pancakes.  These are her recipes and they are perfect.

Waffles

4 T. Krusteaz Complete Buttermilk Pancake and Waffle Mix (This serves 1 person.  To serve more than one person  double, triple, quadruple, or multiply the recipe to suit your waffle needs).

1 T. oil (Canola oil works best).

1/2 tsp. Vanilla

1/2 tsp. Cinnamon

2-3 tsp. Honey

Mix all ingredients well and then pour into a waffle maker.  Cook your waffles, then put anything you desire on top of your cooked waffles.  Syrup, butter, fruit, applesauce (Nicole’s favorite), whipped cream, chocolate, powdered sugar, or gravy…

Pancakes

3-4 T. Krusteaz Wheat Pancake Mix (Just add water stuff).

1 tsp. Oatmeal

1/2 tsp. Cinnamon

1 T. Sour Cream

Mix well using hot water instead of cold water.  Use amount of water as directed on the instructions on the Pancake Mix box. Then… MAKE PANCAKES!

You can add chocolate chips, blueberries, coconut flakes or whatever while the pancakes are cooking on the griddle.  Sprinkle on top then poke them into the batter while they are cooking.